Have no fear of perfection—you'll never reach it" - Salvador Dali
Um, Dali is one of my absolute favorite artists (maybe I'll write a post about him and why). I am so grateful to ex-roomie for going with me to see his work in Atlanta about a year ago. At present, I am avoiding doing the schoolwork I need to do by trolling blogs that I follow. I really felt the need to write, but didn't have anything to share. Then, I went to my iGoogle homepage (which is going away soon apparently :( ) and one of the quotes of the day was from Dali. How could my heart refuse?
I can try to slice it any way that I want, but I am tired of the facade; I am weird. I constantly feel out of place anywhere that I am. I never know the right thing to say or do, and I often end up standing around awkwardly and/or engaging in awkward conversation with some poor sap that has taken it upon him or herself to coax my awkward self out of my shell. I hate it. Like, really hate it. Like if I had one wish from a genie in a bottle it would be that I would no longer be awkward.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want to change the way I think about things or the essential parts of my personality. I am pretty happy with who I am as a person, save for this—sometimes massively—distracting quality. When I get comfortable with a person, like really comfortable with a person, I am fine. I can be gregarious, witty, engaging, and extra-talkative (just ask ex-roomie, Shannon, or Nae). But, if I am in a crowd of people (even people I know), it's like I never learned how to interact with human people. o_O
At the heart of the matter is a desire for perfection. My mind is usually teeming with ideas and interesting things to say, but when I am around unfamiliar people, I am so afraid of making a faux pas that I become paralyzed with awkwardness. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I don't know as much as I think I do about this one subject? What if my voice sounds weird? What if, what if, what if... This is my inner dialogue in most situations, and it's a problem; however, I don't know how to change it.
So, how do I "have no fear of perfection?" Perhaps knowing I'll never reach it, and that what I have to offer is good enough.
