101 Things in 1001 days

Here are the 101 things that I hoped to accomplish/do in 1001 days [9/21/10 - 6/18/13]. I grouped them into categories that make the most sense for me. I didn't complete them all, but I am thinking of making a shorter list of the unfinished things and re-goaling myself. 

Things I have completed already are in gray

| = things in progress
Fun
1. Visit 5 local restaurants I've never been to
2. Learn a choreographed dance 
3. See a comedian live

4. Attend a local theatre show

5. Wear false eyelashes
6. Make a necklace 
7. Go on a tropical holiday or cruise
8. Try snowboarding
9. See a film at IMAX 
10. Write a comedy set 
11. Write and illustrate a children's book 
12. Grow my own tomatoes 
13. Spend a day exploring my city 
14. Watch a foreign film 
15. Watch every episode of the Office 
16. Read Pride and Prejudice 
17. Play bingo 
18. Make homemade pasta 
19. Take a tango class
20. Watch 26 movies, each starting with a different letter of the alphabet 

Fitness/Health
21. Run a 10K race
22. Do the 200 sit-ups challenge 
23. Exercise 30 mins. every day for a month 
24. Do a full body detox 
25. Get visible abs
26. Run a 5K
27. Buy a new bike
28. Complete the 100 pushups challenge
29. Participate in a sprint triathlon 6/1/2013!
30. Tone up 

Personal
31. Read 5 classic books |
32. Write myself a mail via http://www.futureme.org 
33. Keep a diary for a month
34. Create a living will
35. Learn 5 of my poems by heart
36. Make a list of what I'm looking for/ what is important to me in a relationship
37. Find a scent of incense that invigorates me

38. Don't say anything negative for 1 day 
39. Read about confidence and practice it
40. Vote in a local election
41. Journal every day for a month
42. Write a list of inspirational things, one thing for each letter of the alphabet
43. Tweet something
44. Say yes to 100 things I want to say no to | 
45. Make and send a postcard to PostSecret 
46. Update my blog at least once a month 
47. Write a list of 100 things that make me happy 
48. Answer the "50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind" 
49. Wash my face every night for a month 
50. Take private dance lessons
51. Draw a self portrait 
52. Make a list of 100 things that I am grateful for 
53. Find a poem that means something to me
54. Read the entire Bible
55. Improve grammar / spelling 
56. Participate in Operation Beautiful (http://operationbeautiful.com) 
57. Complete 20 creative writing prompts. http://creativewritingprompts.com/ ||

58. Write a book of poetry 
59. Perform at a Spoken Word event and invite my friends 
60. Buy sexy underwear 
61. Practice smile therapy for a week
62. Take a yoga class

Nutritional
63. Go vegan for a week 
64. No fast food for 6 months 
65. Become a vegetarian for a week
66. Drink 8 glasses of water a day for a month
67. Practice the 5-a-day (fruits & veggies) for a month
68. Learn to cook 10 new meals || 

Educational
69. Learn to play chess
70. Read a biography 
71. Make an effort to learn more about politics before the next election
72. Learn to play a song on the guitar 
73. Learn how to say "I love you" in 5 languages
74. Watch 10 documentaries 
75. Expand my vocabulary by 100 words
76. Learn to say thank you in 5 languages 
77. Learn how to play acoustic guitar 
78. Improve Spanish to the point of fluency 

Service
79. Complete at least 24 hours of community service
80. Sponsor a child

Interpersonal
81. Host a game night
82. Do something for a person that has made a difference in my life 
83. Make two new friends
84. Learn to play tennis (for my dad) 
85. Play tennis with my dad 
86. Mend a relationship
87. Picnic in the park 
88. Inspire someone else to make their own list
89. For one year, write an encouraging note to a different friend each month and send it to them 
90. Expand my dating horizons
91. Find a snail mail pen pal 
92. Start a collection of board games
93. Strike up a conversation with a stranger
94. Make Christmas cards for my friends and family
95. Mentor someone
96. Compliment a stranger
97. Teach a class
98. Dance in 5 different states ||||

Financial
99. Go a week without buying anything 
100. Establish an emergency fund
101. Learn more about investing and invest in something

The Romantic Thinker Blogs Again!

So, I haven't blogged in a WHILE! I figured I'd get back into to it with a series of navel-gazy, figuring my life out, post. (I can hear the collective groans already). 

Now, I am naturally introspective, but nothing makes you more aware of who you are as a person and how you show up in the world like being in a relationship does. Negotiating life with someone can be tricky. It can be simultaneously one of the most rewarding and frustrating experiences on earth! For me, it's most rewarding when I am on the same page as my partner. When I feel known, seen, and heard and able to "do life with" my significant other, it is truly such an enriching experience. The shadow side, however, is the frustration that comes from being with someone who doesn't always see things the way you do and/or thinks so differently about things that communication comes to a stand still. 

Part of how I negotiate that is to try to find ways to communicate who I am to my s.o., so he, at least, has an opportunity to better understand me. Likewise, I can be almost obsessive in trying to understand who he is (personality, history, etc.) as well. What can I say, I am a "learner" in all things, not just the academic. 

The MBTI (Meyers-Briggs) has been my saving grace. Having one of the rarer personality types (INFJ), it has been so useful in helping me articulate my way of being in the world. While no personality test can capture the full complexity of a person, the MBTI has come so very close for me. Enneagrams are a great supplement to the MBTI. An enneagram "emphasizes psychological motivations" (9types.com).  It provides nine types (motivations). The aforementioned website has a test you can take to capture your own enneagram. I would encourage you to give it a go. 

As for me, I am pretty even between Types 4 and 5 (the Romantic and the Thinker). So, here's what that means for me:

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive, and Thinkers have a need for knowledge and are introverted, curious, analytical, and insightful.

How to Get Along with Me

• Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
• Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
• Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
• Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
• Be independent, not clingy.
• Speak in a straightforward and brief manner.
• I need time alone to process my feelings and thoughts.
• Remember that If I seem aloof, distant, or arrogant, it may be that I am feeling uncomfortable.
• Make me feel welcome, but not too intensely, or I might doubt your sincerity.
• If I become irritated when I have to repeat things, it may be because it was such an effort to get my thoughts out in the first place.
• Help me to avoid my pet peeves: big parties, other people's loud music, overdone emotions, and intrusions on my privacy.

What I Like About Being a Romantic Thinker

• standing back and viewing life objectively
• coming to a thorough understanding; perceiving causes and effects
• my sense of integrity: doing what I think is right and not being influenced by social pressure
• my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
• my ability to establish warm connections with people
• admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
• my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
• being unique and being seen as unique by others
• having aesthetic sensibilities
• being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me
• not being caught up in material possessions and status
• being calm in a crisis

What I Struggle With as a Romantic Thinker

• being slow to put my knowledge and insights out in the world
• feeling bad when I act defensive or like a know-it-all
• experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
• feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
• feeling guilty when I disappoint people
• feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
• expecting too much from myself and life
• fearing being abandoned
• obsessing over resentments
• longing for what I don't have
• being pressured to be with people when I don't want to be
• watching others with better social skills, but less intelligence or technical skill, do better professionally

Romantic Thinkers as Children (pretty accurate for me) Usually:

• have a few special friends rather than many
• have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
• are very bright and curious and do well in school
• are very sensitive
• have independent minds and often question their parents and teachers
• watch events from a detached point of view, gathering information
• feel that they don't fit in
• assume a poker face in order not to look afraid
• are sensitive; avoid interpersonal conflict
• feel intruded upon and controlled and/or ignored and neglected
• spend a lot of time alone reading, making collections, and so on
• believe they are missing something that other people have
• attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
• become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
• feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Romantic Thinkers as Parents (if I ever have children):

• are often kind, perceptive, and devoted
• are sometimes authoritarian and demanding
• may expect more intellectual achievement than is developmentally appropriate
• may be intolerant of their children expressing strong emotions
• help their children become who they really are
• support their children's creativity and originality
• are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
• are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
• are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Now, my s.o. doesn't read this blog, but this activity was helpful for me in organizing my thoughts around these ideas and communicating them when we have moments of relational growth :). I hope this was helpful to you readers and that you will look into it and dig more deeply into who you are. You know I'd love to know your results, so please share if you take the test (via text, email, or otherwise)!

I TRIed!

Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing flawlessly." -Robert Schuller

 I complete my first (sprint) triathlon today.

I feel accomplished.
        I feel proud.
                I feel strong.
                        I feel...sore! :)

I was nervous going into the race, because I had some complications toward the end of my training that caused me to have to slack off a bit. My body was not cooperating at all with these goals I had for myself; how dare it? Yet, race day came, and I was able to persevere.

My morning started at 5 a.m.; when I got out of bed and started to prepare for the race. I drove the 45 minutes to Newnan and willed myself to wake up as the sun rose over the interstate. When I arrived around 6:45, there were already a number of people at the race. I parked my car, unloaded my bike, and looked around for cues as to how I should act. (It being my first race, I didn't want to look like a complete newbie). I saw other folks walking toward the registration tent casually pushing their bikes along and I followed suit.

After I registered and got my number, I went over to pick up my timing chip and get marked. They gave me, what I later found out was, an ankle strap timing chip and a young girl grabbed me and assaulted my biceps with a sharpie. "I need your upper thighs," she said. Surely, she must be mistaken, I thought. I had been looking around and admiring the taut bodies of my competitors since I arrived. My thighs, among this crowd, were not enviable. Then, I realized she meant she needed to write my number on my thigh, just above my knee. I laughed nervously, and proceed to drop my pants.

Following the marking and the chipping, I headed over to the transition station and racked my bike. I was surprised to see that there were several other people of color preparing for the race. One of which was my neighbor, whom I promptly began to chat up. She, too, was a first timer. We talked nervousness and excitement, then, before long, it was time for the race to begin.

The first leg of the race, the swim, took lake in a lake in Newnan, GA. Different groups of people were staggered, with us novices going last (about 10-15 minutes after the official start time of 8:30). Despite the general ickiness of getting mouthfuls of lake water and the occasional kick in the shoulder or side from my fellow novice triathletes, the swim portion of the race went, well, swimmingly!

I climbed out of the lake and dashed over to my bike. I had read some things about successful transition, so I was able to put on my tennis shoes and get my self situated quickly. Then I was off on one of the most beautiful, albeit challenging, bike rides I had to date. The hills were rolling, the greenery was a far as the eye could see, and peppered among all of that were beautiful lakes, rivers and country homes. It was enough to make a girl consider moving to the country. (I am chalk that up to the "tri high").

By the end of the 14 mile bike ride, my thighs were screaming. There is no way I'll make another 3.1 miles, I thought. I rolled over to the transition station, hung up my bike and took to the road for the final event. I jogged about one-eighth of a mile before I said, "I am about to do some walking." So, the last leg consisted of a hybrid run/walk, because my legs were just too weary. However, as the finished line approached, I was determined to finish strong, and I sprinted across the finish line victoriously!

I did it! It was imperfect, but it was more than I had done before, and I don't regret one minute of it.

I TRIed.

Life Updates and Admitting Defeat

The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley

Yeah, it's been awhile {shrug}. Life has been busy, I have been apathetic about blogging, I am lazy...the list could go on! However, I do want to give some life updates (especially for those of you I don't see often enough).

1. I am still seeing the therapist and it has been so helpful and healing. I found a good fit with my counselor and she does a great job of challenging me when needed, normalizing my experiences, and supporting me. I feel extremely lucky to have her. I think we will probably either terminate our sessions soon or scale back to once-a-month check ins.

2. About six months ago (December of last year) I started talking to a guy from Tallahassee, FL. A couple of months after that we went on our first official date. Since then, we have been going back and forth (actually I have only gone to Tallahassee once, he has done more of the visiting) to visit, and of course talking in between. We, recently, made it official and I am excited to see what our story will be.  We were both very cautious about moving too quickly (we both have commitment issues). For me, there was a lot of fear about losing my independence, not being accepted for who I really am, and—of course—getting hurt. The first two, are not issues with this guy as he gives me room for autonomy and, even when we have differing opinions, he respects who I am. For the last one, I discovering the truth in Bob Marley's words mentioned above. So, we'll see how it goes; I'll update on it occasionally.

3. Next weekend, I will start (and hopefully complete) my first sprint triathalon. It is in Newnan, GA. I am nervous about it, but I think it will be good. However it goes, I am hoping for a speedy recovery, because just a few days later marks the beginning of the 3-day Cuban Party (a casino/salsa congress in Atlanta). I am much more excited about the salsa.

4. I co-authroed a book chapter with one of my professors. I am ever so grateful to her for the opportunity and still cannot believe that it actually happened.

5. The time for my 101 list is coming to a close and much will go unaccomplished, and I am learning to be okay with that. I may re-commit to doing some of those things or I may just let them go. I am not sure. However, THANK YOU so much to those of you who have encouraged me (specifically Andre and ex-roomie, TJD). I wouldn't have accomplished what I did without you. A few things are still in progress, so I will give the final update on all that I DID accomplish after June 18th (the official end of my 1001 days).

So, in a nutshell, that has been life in my absence from here. I will post about the race, crossing over to 31, and the final wrap up of the 101 in the next couple/few weeks. Thank you for reading!

Worthy

Yep...

The Day I Made My Therapist Cry

The role of the therapist is to reflect the being/accepting self that was never allowed to be..." - Michael Adzema 

So, it's been a while since my last post. You know, life...yadda yadda yadda

I am happy to report that my postsecret reveal has continued to hold true. Like some of you, I was afraid that I had become a master pseudologist and was in denial about how devastating it would be for me to know my ex had gotten engaged. However, I have never felt more at peace about that situation than I have since things went south with us years ago. In fact, I haven't given much thought to it until I logged on here to update the blog. So, there is the update for those of you who were giving me the side-eye   -_-

I mentioned a few posts back I might start seeing a therapist, and I did. In January, I went ahead and made an appointment, and it has been one of the best decisions I have made so far this year.
 I haven't always had the best counseling experiences in the past, and truth be told, despite my own training, I was a little embarrassed to admit I need a little help. (Okay, a lot of help, but let's not get caught up on that).

My therapy situation has been such that it feels like everything has aligned to create the conditions I need: I have a great therapist who does an amazing job of both challenging and supporting me, I am in a place where I can be open and honest about what's going on with me, and my life is calm enough that I can begin processing some longitudinal issues—which would not have been possible if I waited until I was in crises to seek counseling.

Seriously, though, my therapist is great! In our last session, I admitted something I have hesitated to admit to any one. I was surprised by how much it was still affecting me emotionally. (Sometimes you are not aware of how strongly you believe something until you share it with someone else). Throughout, our time together, my therapist has done a good job of helping to normalize some of my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. (For the non-counselors out there; normalizing is the process of helping dispel the myth that someone's thoughts, feelings, etc. are "weird" and assuring that person it is "normal" to feel, react, think about a situation the way they do). Usually, my therapist does this by saying, "That is not weird at all." "That is a natural reaction to (x)." and so on.

In our last session, my therapist gave me the greatest normalizing gift. As, I shared the story, I became so overwhelmed with emotion I could hardly finish the sentence. I was doing that cry-muffle-talk thing, you know? I was looking out the window, because it's hard for me to make eye contact with people when I am being vulnerable (*sigh* I am a work in progress). As I neared then end of my story, I heard it—a sniff. As I looked over, I saw my therapist reaching for the Kleenex.

I cannot tell you how much that moment did for me. Of course I hyperbolized my title. My therapist wasn't weeping or anything like that. Yet, the fact that what I shared stirred up that kind of emotion in someone else let me know it was normal to feel the depth of pain and hurt I felt. It did not change what happened or gloss it over. What it did was take the loneliness out of it. For that brief moment in time, someone was there with me, someone felt my pain, and that...well that is what my soul needed.

I am on a pathway to wholeness, and I am enjoying the journey along the way.

No More Albatross

I wanted to wait a little while to make this Post Secret, because I wanted to be sure it was coming from a place of truth and not denial.

In short—because I have wasted too many words on this tensile situation already—my ex finally got engaged to his long time girlfriend; for the first time ever, the albatross that was my hope for us has been removed from my neck. I thought I would feel extremely sad when this day came, but I have never felt more content, more unburdened.

Thank you, God!

Posting My Secret

I have finally identified the secret I want to send in to Post Secret. I just need to sketch out the image and make the postcard. I'll post it here, as many of you already know quite a few of my secrets anyway.  

In the meantime, I came across this image on Pinterest and it is the prefect preview to the secret to come. 

Write to you soon!

Documentary, My Dear Watson

One of my 101 goals is to watch 10 documentaries (see #74 on the list to the right). I am about three quarters of the way through that journey and it has been interesting and fun. Here are the films I have watched and/or plan on watching before 6/18/13:

Happy
Directed by Roko Belic
Learning how to be more couthie!

Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead
Directed by Joe Cross

Marley
Directed by Kevin MacDonald

The Black Power Mixtape
1967-1975 (Goran Olson)

Freakonomics
Directed by Eugene Jarecki

Wal-Mart: The High Cost
of Low Price
Directed by Robert Greenwald

Vegucated
Marisa Miller Wolfson

Waiting for Superman
Directed by Davis Guggenheim

Super High Me
Directed by Michael Blieden

The Science of Sex Appeal
Discovery Channel 

Vegan Guitar Playing

Poor animals, how jealously they guard their bodies, for to us is merely an evening’s meal, but to them is life itself.” - T. Casey Brennan

If you don't know the blues... there's no point in picking up the guitar and playing rock and roll or any other form of popular music." -Keith Richards

This week begins the inception (really, the re-start for one of these) of two of my 101 goals. I will embark upon the world of veganism. I do not share the same animal cruelty beliefs as many of those who are vegan, though I know there are many terrible animal practices for the sake of our food out there. I am more so trying a way of living in which many of my friends engage for compassion purposes. I am also curious as to what health benefits might be gained from a non-animal product diet. So, from now until next Monday, I will "try on" veganism.

Also, I will start taking guitar lessons again. I started guitar lessons at the beginning of last year after my sweet aunt bought me a guitar for Christmas. Due to a job and scheduling changes, I stopped and never picked them back up again. I started learning to play the blues and will continue in that vein, since I love the blues and, according to Keith Richards, it will be my entree into popular music. Wish me luck!

Update:  So Vegan week went bust on Thursday. Perhaps, I'll try again in a few weeks


First (pick back up) week of guitar lessons review:
So, I remembered more than I thought I would, but any finger calluses I had started to build are gone. My fingers are still hurting (8 hours later)!!! I have to practice, practice, practice. Encouragement is appreciated. :)   Also, randomly, my guitar instructor said, "I am glad you wanted to start with the blues as it is the basis for all other forms of popular music." Sound familiar? I think I am on the right track!

Life Legacies

My grandparents gave me the loveliest card for my 30th birthday.  (Yes, I realize this is 7 months later).  I do not plan to make any New Year's resolutions other than completing my 101 in 1001 list and also to try to honor the words of wisdom from this card as much as possible.  Here it is:

Life Legacies: 
Thoughts for Our Granddaughter on Her Birthday

Live deep. 
Never stop learning, playing
or finding wonder
in the world around you. 
Live the length of your live, 
but live the depth of it as well.  

Travel light. 
There is no use in carrying around
worry and regret. 
They only weigh you down. 
Always keep yourself open
to hope and love. 
They give us wings. 

Forgive imperfections 
in yourself and others. 
Imperfections keep things interesting. 
They're the cracks
where the light shines through. 

Own beautiful things 
and not just to keep in the drawer,
tucked away for a perfect day.
Surround yourself with things
that make you happy,
that remind you of the beauty all around us
if we only keep our eyes open to it.  

Make mistakes. 
Follow detours. 
Sometimes it takes an unexpected turn
to help us find the life
that is waiting for us around the bend. 
Trust yourself and the path
that is meant for you.  

Take care of yourself 
and sometimes that means
you need the ice cream.
Be good to your body,
but also to your mind and spirit.
You're the only one who can. 

And always, always know that you are loved.
You are a great gift to this world and a blessing to us.And that will never change. 

(C) Hallmark

Fleeing from Love

I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection. -Billy Joel

I have been thinking a lot about love lately. Not just being in love, but the whole-spending-your-life-with-someone thing. Surely this line of thinking is brought on by the recent string of dates I have been on in the past 3 months or so. Okay, let me clarify that comment. I have gone out with a handful of people over the past few months (perhaps "string of dates" is a bit misleading), but it has been an uptick in my usually non-existent dating life!

I decided a couple of months ago that I would be more open to the idea of letting someone into my life. This should be an exciting time for me; I am meeting guys and "putting myself out there" more. Yet, I have felt more frustration and disappointment with the process than anything else. Of course there is the typical stuff: you meet someone and think they are cool, then you spend time with them and realize they have issues that do not mesh with what you can handle as a person. Those experiences can be disappointing and/or frustrating, to be sure. However, the deeper levels of disappointment and frustration I have felt have been with myself.  

I am a self-saboteur, the queen of the self-fulfilling prophecy, a get-too-much-in-my-head type of person... because, when I am honest with myself, I know I am scared shitless of intimacy, of letting someone truly see me and then, possibly, reject me. Rejection is at the heart of it all, really. The pain of rejection, both past and anticipated, cripples me in  my pursuit of intimacy, partnership, marriage-or-other-such-deep-commitment love.  I fear that no one will ever "get" me. (I have written about this in several other blog posts, so I won't rehash it here. Plus, I am planning another post soon called "Leaning into Loneliness" that will get into this a bit more). 

Though infrequently, I have met people over my lifetime, kindred spirits, with whom I have felt a genuine connection. I cannot fill a full hand with names of people like that. Of those people, one one has been a romantic interest and someone that I shared an intimate relationship with (not sexual but of the romantic nature). 

I have yet to love anyone as deeply as I did that person. He is my unfinished business, and I don't know how to rid myself of him, but that is a whole other thing I won't get into here. However, I recently had a dream that we had gotten back together. As I am a vivid dreamer, It took a while in my conscious state to realize it was not real. In the dream, I felt a sense of completeness, wholeness. Waking and realizing it was not my reality was like experiencing the heartbreak all over again. It made me feel pathetic and ashamed, because I know I have been pining—I have been trying to deny it for some years now, but this little reminders keep cropping up. I mean, I have accomplished quite a bit in my life, but I cannot seem to conquer this.

Not being able to get over that situation has kept me in a constant state of self-sabotage. I want love, but I never want my world turned upside down by love's failing ever again. I don't think I could survive it. I know that sounds dramatic, but seriously, I am 7 years removed from this other situation and, some days, the pain is just as strong as it ever was.  

Out of the potential suitors I have encountered over the years, I have only met one or two with whom I could see myself. And, as I am want to do in situations like that, I have gotten in my own way; at the first sign of intimacy either: I flee, persuade myself to stay distant by thinking of all the reasons they would flee if they truly got to know me, and/or his own wounds got in the way. The older I get, I wonder how often that will be the case. Love is a battlefield, and there are a lot of wounded soldiers out there. Will we ever heal enough to partner together for the long haul or will we continue in this dance of advancement and retreat?

I write this post, because I am tired. I am at my wit's end, and I do not know how to change it. Writing has long been my therapy, but I am contemplating seeking some of the traditional kind too. Not just for this, but some other things as well (to be revealed in upcoming blog posts).

In regard to the focus of this post, I contemplate if I am one of the ones condemned to singleness. Don't get me wrong, singleness has some perks that I will be sad to give up, if I ever merge lives with someone. But, for me, I do think singleness will be a condemnation, because when I let myself be truthful and honest the desire of my heart is for deep, enduring romantic love.

I wish I were less of a thinking woman and more a fool not afraid of rejection.