Pinteresting Days

I have been obsessed with pinterest.com lately. It has given me a way to escape from the cares of the world and get all girly. It has been fun. I came across this quote and I really liked it. It encapsulates what I have thought about love for a while, and when (or if) romantic love is a part of my life in the future. I hope it grows into this.

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not excitement, it is not breathlessness, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

Moving out of the slump

I was in a very deep, dark slump, and I needed to find a way to get myself out of it. I had to force myself back out into life, back out into experiencing things.
---Shania Twain

Amen, Shania!

Last week was a particularly unsuccessful running week. I have been progressively slacking on my training. Part of the problem was my inability to "push through" my lack of motivation. It shouldn't have been so surprising, because my life was pretty much paralleling this same problem and last week everything within me just wanted to shut down (physically, mentally, emotionally, literally...)

I am aware of several different influences for these thoughts and feelings. Hormonal imbalances, dissolution of relational connections, general anxiety about the future, people all around me getting boo'd up (when there seems to be no boo in sight for me), and my natural tendency toward pessimism. It has been a cluster bomb of negativity resulting in the current slump.

I thought, fairly seriously, about dropping out of the half-marathon, but decided that quitting wouldn't be productive. So, I determined that I would get up today and run. I was determined to get back on track, to push through the pain. And that is exactly what I did.

As I started my run, I felt good at first. It was nice to get moving and to be out in the beauty of today. About a mile in my body started to fight against me, "What do you think you are doing? I can't do this!" It was screaming at me. "No, you can. At least, I think you can. Let's just see how far you can go." I argued back. There was another mile or two in which I begin to believe my body was right. Then an internal scene reminiscent of Gollum from LOTR started to play itself out in my head. "Who am I kidding, I can't do this... Of course, I can, I am more than a conquerer!... What's the point, even if I am successful today, I am still going to struggle with this again tomorrow... No, every victory will prepare us for each subsequent challenge." This back and forth continued for a while, until that beautiful "runner's high" began to set in. At which point, I felt I could go all day.

After the run was complete, I felt a great sense of accomplishment. Yet, there is a bittersweetness to it all. Today, was one small victory, but I still have a long way to go (as it pertains to readiness for the half-marathon and getting my life back into a good place). The difference is that I was reminded today that I can do it.

I forced my way out of my slump back out into life, back out into experiencing things. It will need to be an ongoing process, and I am determined to see it through.

Your encouragement would also be a great help.

Just Spit it Out

I have been avoiding this blog, because my words have been blocked up in my mind. So indulge me as I freewrite a bit in an attempts to clear some of the cobwebs. I am in a the dip of life, a valley, if you will. Not so much one riddled with sadness, but with nothingness. I am not sure which is worse. Do you ever have those, "what is really happening with my life" moments? That's where I have been for the last month or so, and I guess it is due season for it. I had a really good summer. It was busy, stretching, and insightful, but overall really good. So, it only stands to reason that life seem dull in comparison. The biggest annoyance it all of it, is the mental and emotionally lethargy that accompanies it. You know, that little voice that whispers, "what's the point of making an effort." Then, all I want to do is just lay on the couch or in my bed and do nothing. Man, I sound like I am depressed! ...Maybe I am o_O, Part of my GMLRC2011 is not letting my emotions rule me. So, though I feel tired, weak, and worn...I know that I am more than a conquerer. "And still I rise..." "Free your mind and the rest will follow..." You know all those inspirational things people say to you. Today, I inspire myself, but that doesn't mean I can't get by with a little help from my friends. Thanks for listening (reading).