The role of the therapist is to reflect the being/accepting self that was never allowed to be..." - Michael Adzema
So, it's been a while since my last post. You know, life...yadda yadda yadda
I am happy to report that my postsecret reveal has continued to hold true. Like some of you, I was afraid that I had become a master pseudologist and was in denial about how devastating it would be for me to know my ex had gotten engaged. However, I have never felt more at peace about that situation than I have since things went south with us years ago. In fact, I haven't given much thought to it until I logged on here to update the blog. So, there is the update for those of you who were giving me the side-eye -_-
I mentioned a few posts back I might start seeing a therapist, and I did. In January, I went ahead and made an appointment, and it has been one of the best decisions I have made so far this year.
I haven't always had the best counseling experiences in the past, and truth be told, despite my own training, I was a little embarrassed to admit I need a little help. (Okay, a lot of help, but let's not get caught up on that).
My therapy situation has been such that it feels like everything has aligned to create the conditions I need: I have a great therapist who does an amazing job of both challenging and supporting me, I am in a place where I can be open and honest about what's going on with me, and my life is calm enough that I can begin processing some longitudinal issues—which would not have been possible if I waited until I was in crises to seek counseling.
Seriously, though, my therapist is great! In our last session, I admitted something I have hesitated to admit to any one. I was surprised by how much it was still affecting me emotionally. (Sometimes you are not aware of how strongly you believe something until you share it with someone else). Throughout, our time together, my therapist has done a good job of helping to normalize some of my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. (For the non-counselors out there; normalizing is the process of helping dispel the myth that someone's thoughts, feelings, etc. are "weird" and assuring that person it is "normal" to feel, react, think about a situation the way they do). Usually, my therapist does this by saying, "That is not weird at all." "That is a natural reaction to (x)." and so on.
In our last session, my therapist gave me the greatest normalizing gift. As, I shared the story, I became so overwhelmed with emotion I could hardly finish the sentence. I was doing that cry-muffle-talk thing, you know? I was looking out the window, because it's hard for me to make eye contact with people when I am being vulnerable (*sigh* I am a work in progress). As I neared then end of my story, I heard it—a sniff. As I looked over, I saw my therapist reaching for the Kleenex.
I cannot tell you how much that moment did for me. Of course I hyperbolized my title. My therapist wasn't weeping or anything like that. Yet, the fact that what I shared stirred up that kind of emotion in someone else let me know it was normal to feel the depth of pain and hurt I felt. It did not change what happened or gloss it over. What it did was take the loneliness out of it. For that brief moment in time, someone was there with me, someone felt my pain, and that...well that is what my soul needed.
I am on a pathway to wholeness, and I am enjoying the journey along the way.
