I have led a very secretive life these past 20+ years. "I am a very private person," I would explain to anyone who dared to scratch the surface. It is true, but why it is true and how tightly I hold on to that identity has encouraged some reevaluation on my part.
I think there is something about this summer that is making me rethink the whole of who I am. I keep hearing the words of my friend, "[ be careful not to define yourself too narrowly ]." In a way, any definition we have of ourselves has to be dynamic. We change and we grow with each new experience. Everyone we meet shapes our character just a little bit more (for better or for worse). We are never the same.
Don't get me wrong, I do believe that there are parts of us that we choose to hold constant. There are the foundational parts of ourselves that help us to have some sense of self. On top of (or maybe interwoven with) those are the nuances that give us individuality. Sometimes we have to be daring as we live out who we really are. Sometimes we have to live by the words of one of my favorite Rent songs, "take me, baby, or leave me." There is courage in that. Dare I even say honor?
I was impressed by a group of friends I encountered a year ago. Their love for one another was so deep, so genuine. One of the friends had something she wanted to share with the others. I could sense the reluctance in her approach to the subject. Then, one of her friends said, "No secrets. You know we don't do that." Out of a wave of relief and belonging poured the girl's information to her friends. She had been granted the permission to be herself.
This brings me to the titular focus of this post. Secrets do us such a huge disservice. They squelch who we are and force us into places of shame. The truth really will set you free. While I am not of the belief that you should share everything with everyone, you should be surrounded by the kind of community that frees you to live a secret free live in their midst.
I am just coming from a place where I felt I had "hide" myself. Every time I ventured into authenticity, I was met with opposition. Talk about oppression...
However, I have had some opportunities to experience this type of community this summer. It is brand new territory for me. Its scary. I have the same fear that most people have, "If they see me for who I am will they still like me?" These days, I am thinking: so what if they don't? Sure, it stings a little, but better this small pain now than the deep ache of being unknown by those whom we call friends. No, from now on I choose freedom.
